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Showing posts from December, 2011

Worth my weight in gold

I am 5'4 and my current weight is 183 lbs. There. I said it. A lot of the time, I hate how I look. Seeing my body change like this has done a number to my self-esteem. I could get on my beloved soap box and rant about how the media pushes the image of beauty as being skinny.

But I've got a different perspective to point out.

I've been guilty of the eye rolling when a girl that is more slender than me complains of her weight. Like a twisted version of an upward comparison. How could it be that your weight excludes you from those who are allowed to complain about it? I am not morbidly obese. And I will never be so thin that my rib cage is visible. But this does not mean that I am not allowed to bitch about it. I want to make a conscious effort to put an end to the eye-rolling of others' weight.

Chain + Lock = Collar

The collar I wear does not belong to me. It belongs to Mistress. I’ve received comments on how pretty it is but I feel weird saying “thank you” seeing as I did not pick it out. It took me about a week to become accustomed to wearing it 24/7. I cannot remove it even if I wanted to do, a pink lock ensures that. I’m a simple girl. I don’t wear jewelry or make-up if I can help it. So this is very new to me. Nerves hit my breathing abilities hard my first day at work with it on. What would people say? Was I about to invest in a wealth of scarves? I felt like I was opening myself to nonconsensual humiliation.I was scared.I found myself having crazy daydreams in which a large, industrial-sized magnet dragged me away by the neck. Or other dreams in which for medical reasons, I would need to have it removed only to discover that the key had been lost or Mistress was nowhere to be found to unlock it. Go ahead, laugh. I’ve never worn something like this before. The physicality of getting used to…