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Showing posts from January, 2012

Hot Mess

There is a relapse rate for those who get off their antidepressants. It's about 80%. But when you are flying high and everything looks peachy, it is quite easy to think you'll be the exception.

Over the course of a few weeks, I've been off of that which made me a functioning adult. I felt secure with myself. It started with missing a few doses. Sometimes, if I knew I'd be drinking alcohol, I just consciously decided not to take it (this would happen more than I want to admit). Then I just thought, what the hell? I'll just stop. No point in continuing to take antidepressants sporadically. This decision came easily. The moment I didn't tell Mistress that I made this decision should have been the first sign that this would not end well.

In retrospect, I can see red flags where I should have stopped and reassessed where my head was. I confused depression and frenzy quite often. Sometimes, I felt resentment toward Mistress because I felt her withholding her affect…