*woof*


When I started to become aware of being submissive, I struggled a bit to accept that about myself. Part of why I had a difficult time coming to terms with it was because of the contradictory nature of my desires. This has now reared its head in regards to pet play.
I was asked what kind of pet I saw myself as. The short answer: pup. The long answer: Its complicated.
I was going to start with “I want to be” but the truth starts with admitting that “I am”. I might identify with a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel’s or maybe a Lhasa Apso’s characteristics. I want to be cherished. And I want to be a companion and feel Mistress pet my head. I want to be told I’m a good girl and be a prized possession. I want to wag my tail for her in excitement when she approaches me. I crave just laying at her feet and sighing with contentment. I want the excitement of being the cutest pup and the attention that comes with that.





But then there are darker desires, the complicated part I mentioned above. The desire to be dehumanized. Stripped of any semblance of dignity. Degradation at its best. I’m smiling right now. There is so much more to it that I don’t know how to verbalize quite yet.

The contradiction is this: how can I be drawn to the same activity through two different avenues. Don’t the two contradict each other? How can I want to be a cherished pet AND a worthless piece of shit? Will this change how Mistress perceives me? What will I lose/gain if I pursue this?

I know my thoughts on this will expand. But sometimes it makes me so frustrated that I am yet to discover how this fits into my life.

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