Service Slut

Mistress sent me a lovely image to stir up masturbatory bliss. The image of a girl on all four being led into a cage spoke volumes to me. It's no secret that I love humiliation. Being stripped down to the raw grittiness of my soul takes me out of this world and into another where I have the ability to put myself back together again. But this post isn't about my depression. I looked at the image and it reminded of when Mistress suggested lending me to someone. The cage symbolized the loss of choice and complete surrender. Lately, my submission has left something to be desired. This fantasy triggered a release of frustration with myself. That surrender would be seamless and my headspace wouldn't be so easily muddled. I ended up having a magnificent orgasm. It left me with a sense that I'm not completely lost.

I've always been a but envious of those who can pull off the wham bam thank me ma'am orgasms. There always seems to be a formula that needs to occur in order for me to have an orgasm. Step One: Erotica or tumblr Step Two: Wait until that one word or image Step Three: Go! But I don't have the luxury of step one. I like routine and ritual, so this has been an adjustment for me. The month is almost over and I'm still getting used to it.

For every girl (or dude), there is an orgasm that turns out to be a game changer. Revelatory really. The kind that makes you wonder why all your orgasms can't be that fucking awesome. What formula must I replicate in order to achieve that toe-curling glory? I suppose there can't really be a formula. It makes me wish I knew my body better. Maybe if my clit and I had a more intimate relationship, I would know how to have amazing orgasms each time. Every body is different but sometimes I'm left wishing for the secret to my own body. In the meanwhile, I'll be continuing to recapture that elusive orgasm.

I've never really been a fan of masturbating in the morning. Something about everyone being awake or the sunlight really makes me feel vulnerable in a way that is foreign to me. My irrational fear is that someone will walk in on me. This morning, I awoke feeling ballsy. Well, at least more than usual. At first, I kept my mouth covered to stifle the sounds I was making. I feel free when I moan without holding back. I didn't realize until afterwards that I was depriving myself of that juicy freedom. Just as before, my body took over and I started writhing. My hand left my mouth and found it's way to a fist full of hair. I couldn't hold back anymore. My mind let go of my fears and shame. I was flooded with the ideation of giving my humanity to Mistress. These orgasms that I'm having...they don't belong to me. So I suppose this could be the first step.

My fantasies as of late have become quite dark. All I seem to masturbate to are thoughts of being completely debased and dehumanized. So often, I want to pretend that I'm mindless or that I'm just another fuck toy. These fantasies are so delicious that I can practically taste them. The common theme is having humanity stripped away from me. I'm not sure what these things mean but it makes me feel most at ease.

For this particular orgasm, it had not occurred to me that I wouldn't be alone. It had been quite some time since I had had to muffle my moans or the noise from my vibrator, which I always perceived to be more like a roar. For the next week, there will be a dear friend staying in the next room. There isn't a door to that room. Mistress insisted that I not let this deter my task to have an orgasm. I thought perhaps I could wait until he fell asleep but that would mean getting very little sleep. It felt like an eternity before my body could register that there was a vibrator on my clit. Eventually, my body shook with that familiar wave of pleasure. A smile slowly spread across my lips and I was in heaven.

I've never been one to be crazy about masturbating. In fact, when I used to be able to ask for them, I would rarely do so. I really didn't want to orgasm today. But I did. The body has a strange way of betraying you. My tears were replaced by soft, involuntary moans. My face softened. My hands clutched the sheets with anticipation. It all culminated in an orgasm that invaded my body. As much as I tried to fight it, I had an orgasm.

It took forever to reach an orgasm tonight. I found myself digging deep for some form of depraved imagery to get the fears in motion. It becomes frustration and determination rolled into one. With the freedom to have orgasms every day, you'd think nothing would be in my way. Though today, my mind said yes and my body said no.

Upon discovering that May had been declared a nationally recognized month in which pleasuring oneself is publicly encouraged, Mistress put me to task. I am to have one orgasm per day. Woe is me, right? But for someone like me who very rarely masturbates, it's a lovely treat for which I'm grateful. More than the obvious awesome reason to masturbate, I also want to take this time to focus on the other reasons why it does a body good. An article in Best Health had six reasons why masturbation is good for your health. Here they are summarized: 1. Masturbation relieves stress Dopamine and endorphins are released. I don't know about you, but those motherfuckers make me feel really damn good. There have been days in which I can barely catch my breath. Any stress that can be lifted off my shoulders is blessing. 2. Masturbation eases menstrual cramps Turns out that the hormones released during sexual activity actually help ease pain. Maybe not one of the sexiest reasons to mas...