Showing posts from July, 2011

Tabula Rasa

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to someone who expressed their preference for only playing with bottoms with experience. When I asked for clarification, I was told that playing with someone who was at the beginning of their journey was troublesome and time-consuming, basically no fun. I took this in and thought to myself, “I wonder if most people feel this way?” I started feeling even more metaphorically fucked than before. Other than experiences behind closed doors with lovers, I wear that label of a novice. If people (in general) do not want to take the time to play with someone new, how was I ever to gain any experience? I hardly equate watching and participating as experience. In what I have learned thus far (as well as what I want), this is kind of outlook on play partners is not really conducive to someone who looking for something a bit more serious or who wants to gain experience. While I do want a relationship, right now I want to learn as much as I can about my desires


**deep breath** This topic has been troubling me lately. The last time I felt like I was living a double life was when I was a closeted lesbian (this really just means not being out to my family). And it really fucking sucked. It was more stress than was necessary. So I hope that through slowly exploring this, I can make some sense of it. I often present myself in different ways. For instance, on The Love Bite , I am very crass. I practically make love to curse words. Most everywhere else, I am polite, quiet and dainty. I am quick to trust strangers but hesitate to trust people that are close to me. I am sensual with some and awkward with others. There is Nancy and then there is the everyday me. The me that doesn’t talk about the taboo things that Nancy likes/wants. The me that painfully keeps up appearances and is rarely honest about how she really feels to spare the feelings of others. Nancy is everything I wish I had the balls to be all the time with EVERYONE I KNOW. I have dreams

Someday my princess will come…

I enjoyed my time so much while dungeon-hopping and I especially enjoyed the company I was with. They are all great people and I felt so at ease with them. I felt like I could be myself. As with most times that I go out, I checked in with myself beforehand and during. Much too often, I ignore how I feel in the moment, which then leads to delayed reactions. I’m known for reacting to events much later. And perhaps that is how this post came about. For a while now, I have been watching. Sitting on the sidelines while others play. And what happens is the following: I get comfortable and watch an exchange of energy. From top to bottom (we’ll use those labels for the sake of this post), and vice versa, there is a connection. A connection that I crave like a crack whore craves her fix. I mean, sure, I crave the physical play, the act itself. But beyond that, I crave the connection and deep trust between two people. Now, I am fully aware that no one has that kind of relationship from day one.

Oh how I love instructions!

I suppose one of the reasons I am able to put up with my corporate job is the structure of it all. There are rules to be followed. There is a designated way to get things done. Well, a gentleman on Fetlife ( ScholarDom ) just about made my day when he posted his instructions on how to do the dishes and clean the bathroom. So detailed and precise, I decide to deviate from my own way of doing things and followed his directions for cleaning the bathroom: Instructions for Cleaning the Bathroom 1. Pick up all garbage. 2. Tidy the counters. 3. Dust the cabinets and baseboards. Don't forget on top of the cabinets. 4. Sweep the floor. 5. Using Vim spray and a rag, clean the sink and faucet hardware. 6. Using Vim spray and the same rag, clean the showerhead, and then the shower walls. 7. Using Vim spray and a rag, Clean the bathtub from outside to in, from top to bottom. 8. For steps 5-7, if grime is particularly stubborn, clean again with Vim cream and a rag. 9. Using Vim spray and the s

The Floating World

How fucking cool does this sound? The Floating World of 17th-century Japan was a pleasure district. Its visitors enjoyed an unprecedented level of sexual freedom , unbound by gender or class. Our 21st-century Floating World aims to create a similar space — a space of safety and freedom, the ideal environment in which to explore. We invite you to explore who you are, and who you can be. Experience pleasure in a playspace roomy enough to accommodate the strongest passion and the wildest idea. Learn from the country’s top educators — and from each other. Many sexuality events are run by a single organization or a promoter, and are designed to appeal to one specific interest: LGBTQ , bondage, spiritual sex, political engagement, etc. The Floating World is a meeting-place for these communities, and many more. We encourage our attendees to build bridges among communities, to share perspectives, strategies, and insight. The Floating World is three full days of classes, worksh

I suppose I'll begin with how this all started...

I am just a girl with many labels. Mexican. Lesbian. Semi-Catholic. Corporate. Lower-middle class. College graduate. Disneyland enthusiast. Kinky. That last one can be a little tricky. The other labels can be proudly displayed on my sleeve whereas that last one can cause quite a stir (*giggles). Like a lot of people I know, I’ve had these urges since I can remember. There was this adrenaline rush I got as a kid. I would tie myself up (making sure the door was locked beforehand) and revel in the unnamed pleasure. What was it? Why did this “weird” thing make me feel so good emotionally? Fuck if I knew, I was just a kid. But as I grew up, got into my first sexual relationships, it started to peek out from the velvet curtain I had covered it with. I’ll take this moment to thank those good sports I slept with who could not fathom why I wanted to be slapped across the face while being called a slut (you know who you are). And what at first was just “freak in the sheets”,