Humiliate me? Pfft.
I’ve long since been a fan of humiliation. There is an indescribable satisfaction that I receive from being reduced to nothingness. But the question stands: Is it truly humiliating if pleasure is derived from the act?
In order to attempt to answer this question, I suppose we should start understanding what exactly it means to be humiliated. Wikipedia describes it as follows:
“…the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It is an emotion felt by a person whose social status has just decreased. It can be brought about through intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act.”
Mmm, sounds positively delicious, doesn’t it? Sign me up! Sorry, got distracted there for a second. I want to throw out some possibilities for why this is so enticing. Take your pick (or suggest your own in the comments!):
- It is an extreme escape from the everyday pressures. Everyone has heard the example of the high-powered executive that fantasizes of giving control to another. Humiliation can work in just the same way.
- By way of humiliation, a power exchange dynamic is strengthened. Submissive roles can be reinforced through acts including but not limited to eating from a dog bowl, asking permission to use the toilet, etc.
- A deep emotional need to feel less important/loved. I know this sounds pretty broad but I suppose the best way that I can explain this is that it helps highlight how much you are indeed important/loved. The journey of a humiliating act combined with the aftercare can be cathartic… Maybe this one is my own personal reason for being so enthusiastic about humiliation.
So now that we have micro-explored the what and why of humiliation, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty (said in a Nacho Libre accent). For many, it really comes down to a matter of interpretation. What one finds devastatingly humiliating could be found as laugh-out-loud, class clown shenanigans by others. For the sake of narrowing this down to a possible answer, let’s assume we’re talking about the hypothetical bottom that craves being “made” to wear a snout and tell everyone what a filthy pig she is. Does the craving of the act make it less humiliating? I don’t think so. It can take an immeasurable amount of courage to admit craving such an act. Sometimes even talking about an act can be humiliating. A lot of this may have to do with knowing just how taboo it is. According to someone, you shouldn’t want to act like a pig or want to be in diapers or want to be dehumanized in any way. The act is described as humiliating because it goes against most social mores. The reaction you have to the act may not be that of humiliation or shame, but instead it is of arousal. Does your reaction then change the description of the act? Sigh. I feel like I’m going down a Inception-like rabbit hole of what this can all mean. My point is to start a conversation about this.
What about you? Bottoms, do you cease to be humiliated when pleasure is derived? Tops, what is your intention in humiliation scenes?
Everything we do in d/s is about mutual pleasure. Otherwise, why would we do it? With humiliation, everything is context. Mistress can humiliate you thoroughly, but you know she loves you and would never harm you. She can do it on the edge of safety, but she's always on that edge. You get that incredible rush of feeling all your inhibitions stripped away, your secrets bared, feeling used and exposed. But it is a very intense piece of theatre. She could call you a slut and describe your sexual history in front of others, but they would never be others who would harm your job or your family. Imagine, instead, being in a courtroom and having that same history exposed, with the intent to harm and/or discredit you. You would feel (and be) abused. There's a reason we call it "play." And play can be very powerful. So be humiliated and enjoy it and don't worry that you are getting pleasure. That's what play is about.
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